Jesus vs Satan: programming

Jesus and Satan were having a discussion as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest, with God as the judge. They sit themselves at their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight.

Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over. He asks Satan to show what he has come up with. Satan is visibly upset, and cries, “I have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out.” “Very well, then,” says God, “Jesus, show me the results of all your typing.”

Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in full color, a YouTube video begins playing and you could see and hear the voices of an angelic choir from the surround sound speakers. Satan is completely astonished. He stutters, “B-b-but how? I lost everything, yet Jesus’ program is intact. How did he do it?” God smiled all-knowingly and said, “Jesus saves.”

Courage award for man who threw out old computer cables

A Guildford man has been honoured in the People’s Courage Awards for 2006 for showing ‘outstanding bravery and strength of character’ in throwing out a number of old computer cables, even though he could not remember where they came from and could not be certain that one of them might not come in handy again at some point in the future.

More info here

(This seems to be the British equivalent of The Onion.)